How to Treat Video Game Addiction in 2023 (from a Video Game Addict)
The Level 1 Gamer stays up until 5 am playing League then misses school or work the next day. He’s obsesses about leveling up in Elden Ring to beat Melania but his real life’s a mess. He wants cool friends and a loving girlfriend, but he spends Friday nights gaming. He spends hundreds of dollars on Fortnite skins or Hearthstone cards. The only people he talks to are on Discord or Twitch cause no one’s seeing his dark musty apartment anyway. He hates how fat he is. His girlfriend nags him or left him cause all he does is game. He knows he’s depressed but doesn’t know how to fix it.
The Level 100 Gamer knows only his real life character stats matter. He has it all: Amazing friends, a loving relationship with a bombshell girlfriend, a successful career making tons of money and a caring family. Oh and he’s jacked. He loves Elden Ring or League of Legends with the boys but it doesn’t affect his life. This gamer has amazing mental health, wakes up every day happy, and loves his life.
When I was in high school, my daily after-school routine was to grab a box of Oreos, head downstairs to the basement, and then game in the dark until dinner time. Smash Bros Brawl, Call of Duty Black Ops, Monster Hunter Tri, Resident Evil 4 - my Wii played it all. I’d spend the last period of class daydreaming about the game I was going to play that day, and didn’t learn shit. I had never kissed a girl or gone on a date. I only had 2 friends and one of them wasn’t even that good of a friend. I’d never admit it, but I was jealous of seeing other kids doing all the fun stuff like partying, dating, always having plans (overrated looking back, but didn’t feel like that at the time). I watched movies like Superbad and American Pie and wished that was me. I saw the football players and wished my body looked like that. I was smart enough to do well in school without trying, which just gave me more time to game.
Until college. Something clicked for me. Just like I had to study to get good grades, I knew I had to change things if I wanted that life. I couldn’t game like before. And after years, I was able to have that dream life I wanted.
How? It’s cause I choose to make gaming PART of my life - not my whole life. I still love gaming. I spent entire weekends binging Witcher 3 after a big med school test. I’ve driven 2 hours to go to Smash Bros tournaments. I listen to Persona 5 music when I work. I even stream on Twitch to give gamers a place to connect and learn while doing something we love.
But I also have a thriving psychiatric career. Amazing friends I see often. A great dating life. A loving family. And a 6-pack.
Thing is, nobody teaches us this stuff! The big gaming companies are happy to keep us down, keep us hooked to their games. They hire psychologists to make their games addictive. Every time we level up, find a good weapon, beat an enemy, move up on the leaderboard its all planned to keep us hooked. Then they’ll push microtransactions at us and before we know it we’ve spent hundreds of dollars on stupid skins. Fornite developer Epic Games got fined $500 MILLION dollars for scamming us.
I’ll show you how we can become Level 100 Gamers. So here’s the complete guide on how to stop being addicted to video games in 2023. This is from my own experience and addiction knowledge I’ve gained as a psychiatrist.
Here’s what gaming addiction can look like for us:
Obsession with gaming
Losing interest in all other hobbies
Neglecting responsibilities like work or school
Lying to others about the amount of time we spend gaming
Gaming despite negative consequences like losing a job or relationship
Physical symptoms like as fatigue, headaches, back pain and obesity
The key is that is causes FUNCTIONAL IMPAIRMENT in our lives.
Here’s some examples:
Social Isolation: We withdraw from social activities and relationships, leading to loneliness. No one wants to be with us, so we don’t want to be with them. We don’t show up to family gatherings or we ignore our old friends. Our girlfriend gets mad as us cause we’re not spending time with her, or we don’t even take out the trash.
Physical Health Problems: We get fat, we start back pain, our wrists hurt when we play. Our doctors tell us we have cholesterol or diabetes problems. We can barely sleep and we feel just as crappy waking up.
Mental Health Problems: We feel down and sad all the time, we worry about stupid garbage, and we can’t focus on anything to save our life. We’re showing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or ADHD without even knowing it.
Neglecting Responsibilities: We show up tired and unmotivated for work or school. Our grades start falling or we doze off at work. Our boss writes us up. We want a promotion, a new job, better grades, but we just can’t figure out how.
But why do we even game in the first place?
One of the games I played in high school was called Monster Hunter Tri. If you’re not familiar, the basic gameplay loop is: fight giant bosses with up to 3 other players, beat them, make armor/weapons from their loot, and use your new gear to fight stronger monsters. I spent over 250 hours on this game. Why?
I felt achievement fighting the challenging bosses over and over again until I beat them. I felt community working together with other people. I felt progression getting stronger gear. I felt purpose preparing and hunting stronger monsters. These are all fundamental human needs, particularly masculine needs (ever wonder why mainly guys gravitate towards these kind of games?).
Normally these emotions drive us to succeed in the real world. But video games cleverly hijack these drives. It’s why we feel so powerful and accomplished in the game worlds.
The problem is, we use our brain power and motivation for in-game challenges instead of real-life challenges.
So how do we fix it? Keep reading:
1) Recognize the Problem
For me I realized there was a problem when all I spent my time in class daydreaming about gaming. I remember showing up for a test and not even realizing we had one that day. You can guess how well that went.
As gamers we may not even see there’s a problem. We’re used to the game telling us “here’s the quest, go do it.” But no one’s giving us the quest here. We need to give this quest to ourselves.
So how do we recognize there’s an issue? We look at the problems gaming is causing in our lives.
Think about when your mom told you not to touch the hot stove. You may have believed her, you may not. But you DEFINITELY believed her when you touched it. Or when you knew your ex was toxic, your friends knew she was toxic. But it wasn’t until she cheated on you 5 times or dumped you ‘til you got it.
In my 2nd-3rd year of college, I lived with my parents about 25 minute from campus. And when I was home, I’d have long gaming sessions on my Wii. Problem was, I didn’t want to do ANYTHING after. Like going to the party our fraternity was having that night. So I’d blow it off and go to sleep feeling fine. Until FOMO kicked in from all the pictures and stories the next day.
For me, it clicked when I started thinking of all the stuff I was MISSING OUT on. All the things I could’ve been doing instead. The times I spent gaming I could’ve have gone to the gym and built my body, or been socializing or meeting girls. I felt that PAIN. And that’s what got me to change my behavior.
What’s happening there? It’s very important we understand this. It’s pain and negative consequences that force us to change behavior. Logic isn’t strong enough. We need EMOTION.
Let’s write down ALL the negative impact it’s having on us. Both current and future.
For example, current impact could be “gaming causes me to miss social events” or “gaming causes me to fail at school or work”
And the future impact could be “I won’t ever get a girlfriend cause I’ll never learn the social skills” or “I won’t get the degree / job / promotion I want.”
This leads me to the next point:
2) Think About WHY We Want To Quit:
The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said: “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
When I was younger, I had this intense fear of arranged marriage. I thought if I get an arranged marriage, I’d be the most loser guy there ever was. An arranged marriage meant I didn’t choose my partner. It meant that I couldn’t find someone on my own so someone had to do it for me. I wanted to be cool. That thought motivated me to be social, join a fraternity, workout, even go to med school for money & status (not my only reason, but certainly contributed).
So whenever I’d find myself wanting to game on a Friday night, I’d think back to my why, and instantly decide to be social. If i wanted to chill on a Sunday morning, I’d think to my why, and hit the gym. When I wanted to be lazy on a Tuesday night, I’d think back to my why and study for my test.
The point is, I knew clearly what I wanted, and WHY I wanted it. Because of that, I was able to prioritize other things above gaming.
So let’s write down WHY we want to quit.
Studies show the mechanical action of writing stuff down encodes it more in our brain. Take your TIME. This is important.
3) Find New Goals:
I knew I didn’t want an arranged marriage. It would be too shameful for me to get one (no knock on anyone else, I knew it wasn’t right for me). I wanted to CHOOSE my partner. To get that, I knew I needed to be social. I had to be fit. I had to have an excellent job and make lots of money. And that gave me direction.
For the gym, I knew I needed a good diet + weight lifting, + sleep. For social skills, I needed opportunities + practice + education. To become a doctor, I knew I needed to study + volunteer + research + take the MCAT (Basically SAT / ACT on steroids).
We know gaming is causing a problem in our lives. We know the impact its having. We know why we want to quit. So now we gotta know what we want instead. This is one of a gamer’s best strengths. We’re using to having quests and missions during games. And each mission usually has a bunch of stuff we have to do to prepare. With big goals, we break them down into smaller goals.
So now its your turn. Let’s think deeply.
What do you want in our life?
And this isn’t material things like “nice car or house.” Cause that doesn’t take you far. We need INTRINSIC motivation. Ask yourself:
What fuels you, and gets you excited in the morning?
What’s important in your life?
What values do you wish to live by?
What do you feel is missing?
Who could use your help in life?
What is your PURPOSE?
For a while, my purpose was to self-improve so I never got an arranged marriage, so I could choose my partner, so I wouldn’t be lonely, so everyone would look at me and think how amazing I was. And now its to help you, my boys, so you don’t stay stuck down this dark path that I could’ve gone down myself.
Take this seriously, and WRITE it.
3b) Channel Our Dark Desires.
These are the desires society tells us to keep quiet. The ones we can’t admit to anyone. But we all have them. You know what I’m talking about.
My dark desires are to get back at the haters and bullies, the guys who didn’t want to be friends with me, the girls who rejected me. I want to show them how successful I am. I want them all to see how amazing I am. I want them to come crawling back to me. I want to crush the haters. I want to be recognized everywhere. I want to take over the world. I want to crush other guys in this competition.
I don’t think this all the time. It’s not a healthy mindset to have throughout the day; warm and positive thoughts about ourselves and the world are better on a day to day basis.
But its there. Deep down. When I’m tired, when I’m losing motivation, when I’m upset. And you have them too. So let’s channel them. Rather than get consumed by them.
Write down your DARK desires. No one has to see them. But we need to be aware of them so we control them instead of them controlling us.
4) Have a Concrete Plan
In college I worked out “whenever I felt like it,” I hate “whatever I felt like.” As a result, I didn’t make much gains. It wasn’t until 4 years later in med school that I had a specific plan for my diet, exercise, and sleep. I tracked my Calories, I had specific days with specific exercises, and tracked my weight. I made sure to block out 8 hours forsleep and had a routine dialed in. That’s when my body began changing.
To get into med school, I knew I needed to shadow someone, get letters of recommendation, publish in my research lab, have excellent grades, take the MCAT, write a personal statement etc. And I broke all these down into small steps.
Now that we have a new direction, we need concrete steps to achieve them. Our goal could be to get lean, get a promotion, get a pay raise, have a good dating life etc. Doesn’t matter what it is. We need a plan. Just like we don’t just show up to the gym and get jacked, we don’t just show up for our goals. We need a concrete plan.
Let’s write down the steps of how we will achieve our goals.
There’s one key difference between these steps and our goals. See if you can figure it out
With getting into med school, I couldn’t control whether they accepted me. But I could control my shadowing hours, my time writing my research paper, the quality of my studying, the editing of my personal statement etc. Broken down smaller, I couldn’t control the grade I got on a test. But I could control me spending 2 hours a day after dinner for 1 week studying for it.
If “getting a girlfriend” is a goal for you, we can’t control that; it’s up to her. But what we can control is “I can go to the gym to get fit, I can buy new clothes to dress better, I can go out with friends twice a week for my social skills, I can take good photos for my dating apps etc.”
Did you figure it out?
Success in this step is based on if we took the right actions, not if we got the result.
Take the right actions, get the right consequences.
5) Implement Your Steps
When I went to college, I immediately threw myself in the social scene. I went to parties. I hung out in the dorms. I studied with my classmates. I did research and volunteer activities. I was focused on getting into med school and having an epic social life. So what happened to gaming? I barely did it. I hardly had time.
One of the fundamental principles in addiction is, to get rid of one behavior, we need to replace it with something else.
So now that we’ve identified the problem, we’ve set our goals, we know our why, and we’ve set steps to achieve those goals. And as we implement those steps, our gaming will stop with time. Always keep coming back to these 4 steps.
Weapons to Help You on this Quest
1) Focus on self-care
I remember one time in med school, I went out with some of my friends, drank a little too much, and stayed out until 3 am. I told myself “it’s fine I’ll hit the gym and study for the test the next day.” Bro. That morning I felt like TRASH. I completely abandoned my fasting and door-dashed breakfast. I didn’t go workout. I didn’t study. And I just sat there, giving into my junk food cravings, gaming, and having a pounding headache. I didn’t even shower that day.
Think of this like clearing up our computer’s RAM. When it’s fresh, we can run Crysis 3 no problem. But if we have a bunch of apps open, there’s a virus, our PC’s overheating, what happens? Everything runs slow. Same thing.
Get your proper sleep, eat a healthy diet, meditate, exercise, shower. All those basic things.
2) Set a schedule:
I always thought writing schedules were overrated. I felt like planning in my mind was enough. For example, I knew I had med school class from 9-1, then I’d go to the gym + shower + eat from 1-5, then study all evening. But I noticed I’d “study all evening” but I spent 30 minutes messing around on my phone. Or I’d end up chatting with my roommate for an hour. Even in residency, I’d make tiktoks after work and gym around 8 pm. But then I’d decide “oh my apartment needs cleaning that’s productive.” And half an hour later, I was still editing the same video I was on.
What really changed it for me was setting a schedule hour by hour. I’d slot in my work, gym, studying. But also gaming, hanging with friends etc. That way, I didn’t have to make a decision and be tempted. I’d just follow the plan. If I was tempted to do something else, I’d look at my timetable I WROTE, feel guilty, and go back to what I needed to do.
3) Change your environment
When I was in med school, there was one snack I was more addicted to than anytihng else. Peanut M&M’s. I LOVED those things. I’d buy a box lie every week from Costco. I told myself it was ok because I was '“bulking.” 20 lbs later, it wasn’t ok. I would literally take a bowl of M&Ms and put them on my desk for a “study snack.” But then I stopped buying them from Costco. And voila, problem solved.
Wanna know biggest reason I was able to stay away from gaming while living in the dorms my freshman year of college? I didn’t have any of my systems. I’d left my Wii and Nintendo DS behind at my parents house.
James Clear talks about this concept in Atomic Habits. Willpower runs out quickly, and it sucks to use. Instead, adjust your environment to where you don’t have to use it.
If we’re trying to cut down gaming, its hard when we walk by the PS5 every day. Or when our PC is already turned on in our room. Or when our Discord notifications light up. Or when you hear that hot new game is getting 9/10 reviews. It takes us willpower to resist.
It’s much easier if we don’t have to think at all. So let’s make gaming harder for ourselves.
Turn off and unplug your PC. Uninstall Steam and your games from your computer. Pack up your console and put it in a shoebox. If you must keep it out, cover it with a blanket. Work in a different room than the gaming system. Keep them out of sight, and harder to use. Unfollow gaming channels on Youtube, Tiktok etc.
If you wanna get hardcore: delete your characters or your Steam account. Sell your systems. I personally prefer a moderate approach where gaming is incorporated healthily in our lives. But the above can be done.
4) Involve Friends and Family:
So I used to have a problem with masturbation (wow that got personal). Especially during COVID, I was doing it multiple times a day. I felt completely drained after going it, it ruined my energy, and it ruined intimacy with the girl I was seeing at the time. I specifically remember thinking of a porn star when I wanted to come. (welp, now that’s on the internet).
But my friend and I were talking about this, and we made an agreement. We wouldn’t masturbate for an entire year. If either of us did it, we’d have to punch the other one in the face. Can you guess what happened?
I didn’t masturbate for an entire year.
When we make a commitment to someone, we’re not just letting ourselves down. We know that person will think less of us if we do it. And this is some PRIMAL shit. We crave the approval of others in our tribe. So let’s channel it to help ourselves.
Tell your friends and family about your goal to cut down gaming. Tell them about your new goals, what you’re replacing gaming with. They can hold you accountable when you find yourself slipping. But more importantly you won’t WANT to slip cause of what they’ll say.
5) Get professional help:
I did therapy for a whole year when I was 26. I thought it was gonna be easy, being a psychiatrist. What shocked me was how nervous I felt sharing my secrets. I was putting on an image even for my therapist. Once I relaxed and shared my dark desires, that’s when i was able to truly open up. She caught me falling in these mental traps I never realized I would. And then I started to see changes in my life.
One of the patients I worked with was a 20 year old guy who lived with parents, worked at Dollar General, and played Elden Ring every night until 5 am. He fell victim to Steam sales and bought games he never ended up playing. He also didn’t have a driver’s license and dropped out of high school. Because he felt stuck for so long, he decided to get professional help with me. After working together, he was able to stop buying Steam games he never played in sales, cut down his Elden Ring time, started driving, and got his GED.
If its too much for your own, there is no shame in getting professional help. If you’d like my help in your journey, click here.
Conclusion:
Quitting or cutting down on gaming is hard AF, and I get it. It’s something we used to love but not when its taking over our lives and stopping us from reaching our potential. I really hope this guide helps you. To summarize here’s the steps:
1) Recognize the Problem
2) Think About Our WHY
3) Find New Goals
4) Have A Concrete Plan
5) Implement Your Steps
Imagine a life like the Level 100 Gamer who has everything we want in life: money, status, girls, fame, power. He has guys who say his life’s amazing, he has attractive women wanting to date him or is in a loving relationship, he has the money to buy whatever he wants, and he feels amazing. He games when he wants and enjoys the hell out of it, and not cause he’s addicted. That’s what’s possible boys.
I’m a psychiatrist who’s been through this and now specialize in treating Young Men & Gamers with depression, anxiety, ADHD and video game addiction. CLICK HERE to book your free consult call.
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Real life’s the video game.
So let’s level up.
Agam
FAQS
Should I set challenge days (ex 60 day challenge) and streaks?
If I tell you to not think of a pink elephant what are you gonna think of? Exactly. I’ve found when we tell ourselves we’re NOT going to do something, we spend too long thinking about it - We give it power. Instead, if we focus on our replacement behaviors, and track THOSE, then our bad behaviors naturally fall by the wayside. I’ve also noticed that if we relapse and we break our streak, we’re way harder on ourselves rather than dusting off and proceeding as before. But it works for some people, and worth a try.
